Tuesday, August 26, 2008


It’s been quite a while since my last post and I keep getting yelled at by my girlfriend for not updating this, so here goes:

So now that the Olympics are over and done with and everyone is recovering from their insomnia caused by staying up til 2 am every night to watch gymnastics or swimming or beach volleyball or whatever other crap they put on that late, I thought I would write a post on something ridiculous that I saw. Actually, there are two ridiculous things that I saw, but let me first preface this post with a little backstory. We all watched Michael Phelps break the world record for most gold medals in one Olympic games and also watched as he broke the all-time record for most gold medals in a career. It was a great story full of hope and inspiration and hard work and dedication. We all watched as the USA relay team beat the cocky French team and how he beat Cavic by .01 second to keep his dream alive. Even if you’re not American, you can appreciate the magnitude of achievement that Phelps accomplished in the last couple of weeks. Unless, apparently, your name is Chad Johnson or Jennifer Lopez.

Man, I hate celebrities. Talk about the most stuck-up, arrogant, ignorant pricks on the planet. Let’s start with Chad Johnson. On ESPN’s “Pardon the Interruption” on August 13, Chad Johnson went off on a tirade about how Phelps really isn’t as good as everyone thinks he is, and that the real reason he is winning all those gold medals is because he has no competition (maybe Chad doesn’t know that the Olympics include all the best athletes from every country IN THE WORLD). He went on to say that he knows “several people” in the Miami area that could beat him in a swim race, including himself. He claims that his pre-teen years as a swimmer prepared him to take on Phelps in the pool, saying that he was “the three-time Charles Hadley Pool champ”, like anyone even knows what the hell that is. Hey Chad, Michael Phelps has won 14 gold medals, and you won some pool championship that no one has ever heard of. Here’s a question for you: if you were such a great swimmer, why didn’t you ever compete in the Olympics, or even the junior games? Congratulations Chad, you just made yourself look like an ass again. I guess you don’t remember when you challenged a horse to a foot race, huh? You got a headstart and still lost. You’re a loser, stick to what you do best, sitting out games due to injury and whining from the sidelines. Oh and FYI, Michael Phelps accepted Chad Johnson’s challenge. Interesting, how we haven’t heard back from Chad yet and it’s been a week since Phelps responded.

And now, for the next dumb celebrity: Jennifer Lopez. This bitch thinks she’s so high and mighty that she should be getting all the attention instead of Michael Phelps. Why, you ask? Because she is training for a triathlon. Unbelievable. Let me get one thing straight here: I think it’s great that she’s doing this. And I think it’s pretty impressive that she is doing it just six months after having a baby. But give me a break. The Olympics happen once every four years, and you just so happened to pick the wrong time to have a baby and train for a triathlon. Get over yourself. Get off your high-fucking horse and take a backseat to something more miraculous than you losing back the weight you gained from having a baby. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that she will be competing in the “Classic” triathlon and not the “Olympic” triathlon. Let’s compare: the classic race is a half-mile swim, an 18-mile out-and-back bike race, and a 4-mile out-and-back run. The Olympic race is a 1.5K Pacific Ocean swim, a 40K out-and-back bike race, and a 10K out-and-back run along the sands of Zuma Beach. Come on, J. Lo; if you want to make headlines, at least do the Olympic course (funny how she compares herself to an Olympian, and then doesn’t even compete with the other Olympians in her own event). This story is arguably worse than the Chad Johnson one because when she said this in her interview on Good Morning America, she didn’t even know Phelps’s name. She just called him “the swimmer”. Michael Phelps has become an icon for the United States of America and we have celebrities that don’t even know his name. At least Ocho Cinco knew that much. The greatest thing the American media can do is to not give these idiots the time of day and to not report on this crap. But unfortunately, this is what sells in this country.

I will be back with another update soon, hopefully in a week from now, when I can write about the horrible experience of moving.

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